


Conversations (Interlude)

by help_me_no



Series: The Strength of Minotaurs [3]
Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, Comedy, Drabble Sequence, Embarrassment, Fluff and Humor, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29113890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/help_me_no/pseuds/help_me_no
Summary: Awkward conversations had about the champions’ love and sex life. The consequences of being very public, very famous figures, and of dealing with nosy gossips, both divine and dead.
Relationships: Asterius | The Minotaur/Theseus (Hades Video Game)
Series: The Strength of Minotaurs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125833
Comments: 41
Kudos: 211





	1. Zagreus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a single interlude between the smut oneshots of this series, but it started getting out of hand, and a little clunky, so I’m breaking it up into little bite-sized bits!

It’s a while before the hellspawn returns to the arena. When he does, Theseus greets him with the customary derision and taunts, contrasted with the usual boasting and praise of his partnership with Asterius. Theseus doesn’t think he’s said anything different from before, but instead of sniping back, the demon instead tips his head thoughtfully.

“Huh. Has something changed with you two?”

Asterius answers for them both: “We are as we always have been, in all the ways that matter.”

Zagreus narrows his eyes at them.

“Our bond is as strong as ever!” Theseus declares. “We will slay you and send you back to the depths you come from! Now let us stop wasting time so you may rot and we may enjoy our time as champions of Elysium!”

They do actually manage to slay Zagreus. Theseus tries to ignore the fact that Zagreus is occasionally distracted, furrowing his brow at the champions, or that they only have to kill him twice this time, and thus the journey must’ve taken a toll on him first. In the moment, putting that out of mind is no real difficulty. His blood is pumping, and his head is still rushing, and his arm aches from bracing his battered shield, and he can feel the sting of his injuries and the crackle of dispersing electricity. And most importantly, he looks up and sees an equally battered Asterius by his side. Theseus beams, throws his hands up towards the crowd, and resists the urge to whoop like a child.

(Afterwards the champions stumble off to a bath—Elysium obligingly leading them to a private one. Theseus and Asterius laugh into each others mouths as they bathe and clean their wounds, and then Theseus ducks underwater and takes full advantage of being dead and not actually needing to breathe.)

* * *

The demon comes back. Several times actually, and he seems to have put his deceptively perceptive curiosity aside. But then.

Before Theseus can even start with a greeting and taunts to set the stage, Zagreus speaks up.

“Aphrodite _told_ me you two are fucking! I _knew_ something had changed!”

Theseus lets out an incoherent choked scream. Asterius slowly turns to look up at the crowds in the stands.

“Oh. Ah.” The blackguard has the gall to look sheepish. “Sorry. I don’t mean to air your personal business out in front of everyone. But it’s not like there’d be any discrete way to bring it up! It’s not my fault you two constantly stand in my way!”

Somehow he just keeps going.

“I mean, I suppose I could wait until Asterius comes for a one-on-one fight. There’s still an audience but it wouldn’t be uh... this.” Here he gestures broadly to the stands, before addressing Asterius specifically.

“But I mean, you _haven’t_ been coming to meet me for an early practice match much lately, so I couldn’t really bet on that, now could I! Is everything alright by the way? I admit I rather enjoy our little fights, and you’re much preferable to having to deal with those ghastly butterfly balls.”

Asterius is slow in replying. Part of Theseus realizes that, despite his apparent calm demeanor, he’s quite flustered. (The rest of Theseus is still mentally screaming in an incoherent cocktail of emotions.)

“I have been distracted lately,” Asterius says. “But I am well.”

“Well!” the demon replies, “I’m glad to hear—“ His speech immediately cuts to a halt. “Oh, _ugh_ , you don’t mean—“

Asterius’s eyes go wide in terror. Before the hellspawn can finish his thought, and ask if Asterius has been busy because he’s been having sex with Theseus, Theseus hurls his spear. It’s unsportsmanlike and bad form and not good for the spectacle of the arena, but Theseus suspects the fan fervor and reputation of this match has already been poisoned.

The next day Theseus storms into the small chamber Elysium provides so that the dead may pray to Aphrodite. He stomps around and huffs and though he is not foolish enough to outright curse at a god, he makes it very clear he’s unhappy with Aphrodite’s gossip. And then he remembers sitting astride Asterius’s lap the previous night after they had dragged themselves out of the Styx and bathed and retired to bed. He thinks about Asterius cutting off his rant with a kiss and a suggestion that he could distract Theseus. He thinks about the fact that Asterius is _his_ and he is Asterius’s and that Asterius loves him. Theseus scowls at the pink fountain, fishes out a bottle of ambrosia, and deposits it in the bubbling water. Whether or not Aphrodite actively interferes, love is still her domain, and Theseus is now a permanent resident.

* * *

“So, how does uh— Asterius, you’re pretty huge, so how— well—“ Zagreus asks.

Theseus splutters his outrage and levels his spear to point accusingly.

“I understand you are curious,” Asterius says over Theseus’s noises of incoherent rage, “But I do not think that is appropriate to ask us.”

“Right, yeah, of course,” the demon replies, “We should uh, probably just fight then, huh?”

“Indeed,” Asterius answers.

Again, the hellspawn slays them both. Theseus lays in the grass and pounds a fist on the ground. When they pick themselves up, they walk into a chamber where Andromeda is clearly waiting for them. She raises a single eyebrow, and says, “This is the first time I’ve seen you fight the intruder. Are all your encounters like this?” Both Theseus and Asterius visibly shrivel at the realization she was in the crowd and she laughs so hard some of her braids shake loose from where they’re pinned atop her head.

* * *

The next time Zagreus comes back Theseus cuts him off before he can speak. Asterius had left earlier to challenge Zagreus for an opening bout, and Theseus tried not to sulk about it, or about the quiet look Asterius gave Theseus upon his return. Asterius hadn’t offered any hints to possible conversation he and the hellspawn had, and asking directly always makes Theseus inexplicably feel like he’s lost some intangible competition. Instead he takes out his frustration by shouting at the backguard when he finally arrives to the larger arena.

“If you try to pry into the private life of Asterius and I, you foul creature, know that I will make your inevitable death especially painful!”

“Just by recent statistics I don’t think I’ll be the one dying," Zagreus says, "but I suppose I can respect your privacy. For Asterius’s sake, of course, I don’t respect _you_.”

Theseus scowls. It only deepens when Zagreus winces for some reason and carefully glances at Asterius. Zagreus scrubs a hand at the back of his head, and then sighs.

“But you... seem to make him happy I guess. And you clearly care about him, despite your enormous obnoxious ego. So...” He grimaces. “You know what, why don’t we just fight?”

Asterius answers for them both; “That will do,” and then he charges, giving Theseus a fraction of a second to recover and get his feet under himself after... whatever that just was.

Zagreus does kill them again, and Theseus wakes draped across Asterius’s lap. Asterius is gently scrubbing a towel through his hair to help wring the waters of the Styx from it, without disturbing him, but he stills when Theseus rouses. Theseus doesn’t get up or say anything yet, and after a moment Asterius resumes. Finally, when Theseus is thoroughly dry, Asterius stops, and Theseus reluctantly sits up.

“Shall I help you dry your own pelt, my love?” Theseus asks. The odd conversation with Zagreus’s echoes in his head and he can’t quite meet Asterius’s gaze.

“I have already dried most of myself while waiting for you,” and Asterius pauses, but clearly reads Theseus’s mood and turns obligingly; “—But I can always use assistance,” and he offers the towel and his arm.

Theseus carefully runs the towel along Asterius’s arm, using it as an excuse to tangle their hands, and sit at Asterius’s periphery.

“What—“ Theseus starts, then realizes he isn’t sure how he wants to phrase this.

Asterius seems to understand anyways.

“He asked me why I was with you, when he fought earlier. I told him I loved you, and you felt the same, and that I could never explain to him everything you have done for me. He... asked me if I felt obligated because you rescued me from Erebus, or if it was some...”

Asterius snorts, frustration clear.

“He implied some unsavory things, and I admit I became quite angry with him. I told him that I trusted you and loved you wholly, and while I understand the two of you do not get along, I would no longer tolerate him speaking ill of you. If he considers himself a friend, then he must trust that I am capable of thinking for myself, and choosing who it is I love.”

Theseus trembles a little with the intensity Asterius speaks with.

“You—you said this in front of a crowd?” Which is not at all what Theseus meant to say, but now that it has come from his mouth he can’t stop thinking about it. He promptly buries his face against Asterius’s bicep.

Asterius seems to startle a bit, and then huffs a quiet laugh.

“Are you embarrassed that I declared my love for you in front of a crowd?”

Theseus doesn’t answer but turns his head as if he could possibly hide it even more.

Asterius's voice is warm and amused. “More embarrassed than Aphrodite revealing our love life to Zagreus, then Zagreus revealing it to a crowd, and then asking in front of another crowd about the physical mechanics of sex between us?”

Theseus chokes on his own laugh and sheepishly looks up at Asterius.

“It does feel a little silly when you put it that way, dearest Asterius! It is just that... I am used to sex! But what I feel for you is—“ Theseus pauses, readjusts with a wince.

“—As horrible as it is to Hippolyta and... both your sisters...” Theseus braces himself for some unhappy reaction at the mention but Asterius only lets out an amused noise in the back of his throat.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt as intensely for anyone as I do you. I love you so much sometimes I think it will kill me.”

“It is fortunate, then,” Asterius says, “That we are already dead.”

Theseus gapes at him, and then smacks his arm, laughing despite himself.

“I am being serious Asterius!”

“I know,” Asterius says, eyes crinkling in a smile. Then he stands, and extends a hand down to Theseus.

“Now then, my king, shall we find somewhere to train so we may properly vanquish Zagreus the next time he returns?”

Theseus takes his hand and lets himself be hauled up, and he beams.

“Lead the way, my love!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do people still call these things drabbles? That terminology makes me feel weirdly old.
> 
> For people who follow this series (and/or the ‘Kings and Monsters and Men’ series), I’m thinking that I might exclude this work from my MWF update schedule so I can keep releasing more substantial oneshots without delaying them. This work would update in-between each of the smut oneshots since it’s so small I’d feel like I was cheating you by calling it an Update, but that’d also mean I’d be posting something almost every day, which seems wild. As much as I want to put my other work out there soon, I also don’t want to inundate y’all with an overabundance/excessive frequency. Thoughts??
> 
> Next chapter should be conversations with Perseus and Andromeda! (Current lineup after that is Achilles and Patroclus, and then various gods including Lady Nyx!)


	2. Andromeda and Perseus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I went from a throwaway line about Andromeda in ‘Regarding the Strength of Minotaurs’ to having her and her husband be fairly significant, recurring characters I absolutely adore writing. (If you haven’t read the first work in this series, this chapter might be a weird one for you, but we'll return to canon characters next chapter!)

“So... you two are... fucking?”

Theseus sighs in exasperation at Perseus’s inquiry. What had originally been planned as a group lunch had been derailed by Andromeda insisting there was something she and Asterius must do, but they’d be _right_ back, so Theseus and Perseus should keep each other company. Both had protested, but a flat look from Andromeda had quelled that. And both Theseus and Perseus had then looked to Asterius for aid. He had simply raised his hands in surrender, and shook his head, deferring to Andromeda. Perseus had dropped his head to the table with a groan, but Theseus had seen the amused look on Asterius’s face. Ordinarily Theseus likes to indulge anything Asterius finds humorous, but he's not sure where the comedy is in how little he and Perseus get along. Which brings them to this torturous conversation.

“ _Yes_ Perseus, the minotaur and I frequently engage in sex, and there’s no point in you acting like you don’t already know that. You may be an imbecile but even you’re not that oblivious!”

Perseus scowls.

“No, of _course_ I know you two are fucking! I knew you needed to pull your head out of your ass about your feelings before you did! What I mean is—“

“Excuse me??”

“— _What I mean is!_ ” Perseus continues at a louder volume, “Are you two _fucking_.”

Theseus stares at him.

“Perseus. What in all the realms of Hades are you talking about?”

“You know,” Perseus insists, “ _fucking_. Have you guys _fucked_.”

“That has already been established!” Theseus shouts.

“No I mean—“ Perseus makes an obscene hand gesture.

“Perseus,” Theseus says with an unusual calm, “If you try and ask again if Asterius and I have been specifically engaging in penetrative sex, I will shove my spear so far down your foul throat that it emerges out of your own vile behind.”

There’s a fraction of a second where Theseus enjoys the mollified expression on Perseus’s face, and the idea that he’s gotten the last word in _this_ fight. But just for a second.

“They haven’t yet,” Andromeda answers, returning from who-knows where to drop into a chair between the two.

Theseus gapes at her, and at a clearly flustered Asterius behind her, who gingerly takes the final seat and does not meet Theseus’s eyes.

“Oh,” Perseus says. “Why not?”

Andromeda levels a look at him, and then a pointed one at Asterius, who still towers over all of them, even seated and hunched over on himself like he wants to disappear.

“Oh,” Perseus says again, “I suppose that... tracks.”

Andromeda raises a goblet to sip some wine, and pats Asterius’s arm.

“They have time,” she says gently, facing her husband, although it's painfully obvious he’s not the real target of her words. “There’s no need to rush things when you’re enjoying yourselves, and certain forms of sex aren’t necessarily better or more important or more fulfilling than others. Some things just take more time because of simple... physical limitations.”

Theseus’s own face burns. Despite Andromeda’s attempt at reassurance, Asterius looks to be shrinking in on himself even more, and Asterius’s comfort is more important than Theseus’s embarrassment. So he chokes back the heat and says, “You have no room to criticize, Perseus! I do not think a coward like yourself could even dare to undertake such an endeavor!”

Andromeda snorts her wine out of her nose. Perseus chokes, face going an equally rich shade of purple as he tries to decipher whether he should be offended or indignant or embarrassed or righteous. Asterius stares at Theseus with wide eyes, and then he looks away with a soft snort, trying to hide his own laughter behind his hand. Theseus, of course, sees this, and beams, all of his own discomfort bleeding away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aggressively straight boy Perseus, with a very antagonistic and reluctant friendship with Theseus is fun enough to write that it overrides my default disinterest in him. (Also, I am undecided as to whether or not pegging would feature prominently in Perseus and Andromeda's relationship before this point, but being told he's too much of a coward to think about getting fucked on a monster dick would probably spur a conversation about it.)
> 
> Next chapter is Achilles and Patroclus! I'm considering throwing in a few more before the final chapter, (which involves two key gods), so let me know if there's anyone you'd like to see! (I'm trying to figure out if I can justify writing Alecto again because she's really fun, and I might try my hand at Hypnos, maybe.)


	3. Achilles (and Patroclus)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually a secondhand conversation, which I hope isn’t too disappointing for anyone who’d like to see Achilles and Patroclus actually show up.

Theseus is in their shared chambers, warm and clean from a recent bath, when Asterius enters, and oddly discomfited look on his face. Theseus instantly rises to meet him.

“Is something wrong, my love? You were meant to spend the day with Patroclus, were you not? Did something happen?”

Asterius shakes his head.

“It is not—nothing went wrong my king. I did spend my time with Patroclus, it is just—“

He trails off.

“He was not alone today.”

“Oh? That is unusual! I was under the impression you were the only shade whose presence he tolerates!”

Asterius huffs a little, his head tossing.

“He was accompanied by Achilles, hero of the Trojan War.”

Theseus gasps. “Achilles! Truly? Here in Elysium! I had heard rumors that they were—well. But I was under the impression that Achilles’s employ with Lord Hades kept him in Tartarus!”

Asterius’s head tips in the soft indication of a bemused smile.

“You are showing your adoration quite clearly, my king. The champion of Elysium is hero Achilles’s greatest fan.”

“Well now, that is hardly true! Achilles is perhaps the greatest of heroes, and I’m sure I do not even approach the peak of his numerous avid fans!”

Asterius laughs, and leans into Theseus.

“I do not suppose he is still there?” Theseus asks hopefully.

“I am afraid not, my king. I was afraid I was intruding, but they said it was fine, as he could not stay much longer, and he had already spent much time with Patroclus. He said—“

Asterius’s head dips down in flattered shy embarrassment.

“He said he should like to get to know the man who is not only Patroclus’s greatest friend here in Elysium, but also a champion, and who has managed to both help defeat his student Zagreus and charm Theseus, king of Athens.”

“His— student?” Is what Theseus’s mind first latches onto, but he shakes it away. “No mind, we can consider that later! The rest all sounds quite true to me, and I am quite glad he can see you are more than worthy of his respect and time!”

Theseus reaches up to gently scratch his fingernails along Asterius’s jaw.

“You are incredible, my dearest friend and love! It is only right! But I do not see what there is in that, to have troubled you so when you first arrived?”

“Ah.” Asterius goes still where he was leaning into Theseus’s touch. He looks away again. It’s not an upset, painful discomfort, which soothes Theseus and prevents him from immediately demanding to fight Achilles and Patroclus.

“Achilles is... more talkative than his love.”

Theseus stores this tidbit away, curious to know more about the enigmatic hero, but that is for another time.

“You are deflecting, my dear Asterius!”

“No, it is relevant, my king, I simply need a moment to get there.”

Theseus nods and waits.

“Achilles is talkative, and more interested in gossip. My discomfort is only in that... he asked about our relationship.”

“Oh,” Theseus says slowly. “Are you... not satisfied? Does it bother you to tell Achilles of our bonds?”

Asterius shakes his head, and leans down to place a gentle kiss on Theseus’s forehead, then his eyelids, and then his cheeks and the corners of his mouth.

“I hope you know it is not that, Theseus. I would let all in Elysium and Hades and Olympus and the mortal world know I love you, and that you feel that same for me.”

Theseus takes a deep breath, and lets the reassurance sink into his bones.

“Then the issue—?”

Asterius pauses for a long while.

“He, ah... asked about our... intimate affairs.”

Theseus stares at Asterius an even longer while.

“Pardon?” He finally asks, slowly.

Asterius speaks equally slowly.

“Achilles, hero of the Trojan War, asked if we had been... intimate... and then asked for details on the... logistics... and then offered himself as a potential source for advice, should I need it, though in a more general sense as I am... atypical.”

Theseus feels like his brain is grinding at glacial speeds.

“Achilles did.”

“Yes, my king.”

“ _The_ Achilles.”

“Yes, my king.”

Theseus stares at Asterius, who looks as shellshocked as he feels. Then Theseus resolutely nods once, and drops his head against Asterius’s chest.

“If I think about it further my brain will liquify itself, and so, my dearest friend, I propose we simply agree to never think of this again!”

Theseus can’t see Asterius’s nod, but he can feel the slight shifting of his chest, and the hand Asterius rests on his back.

“That seems a wise decision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I even put Achilles and Pat in the character tags if we don’t see them? It feels cheaty.
> 
> Also, I have updated this to 5 chapters instead of 4 because I’m going to get in some conversations with the lesser Chthonic gods before the Big Gods, but I may add even more! Several comments have left suggestions of characters that I do want to try writing, but that I’m not sure I can justify or create productive conversations in this context. That said I’m still 100% open to any additional suggestions y’all might want to see (I just can’t make any guarantees)!


	4. The Furies

Elysium has a variety of odd rules that dictate the forms of its shifting chambers. They are many and complex, but living in Elysium quickly acclimates shades to these quirks. It becomes second nature to navigate Elysium without sparing a thought to its structure. But one such rule is that ordinary chambers always have at least two of the large gate-like doors.

Which is why, when Theseus and Asterius take a casual walk through Elysium, it’s alarming to find themselves in a chamber that has no second door. It is also equally alarming to find themselves faced with all three of the Furies, hovering in the middle of the room.

Asterius reflexively takes a step back, widening his stance as if to ready himself for a fight. Theseus shoots a nervous look at the door behind their back. A long silence stretches between them.

“Can we… help you?” Theseus asks, plastering a wide smile on his face.

“What, not going to run?” Alecto taunts.

“I think history has proven that fleeing the Furies never works, and I suspect it’s even less possible in the realm of the dead! And while I have certainly done things to incur your wrath or punishment, the Fates somehow decided that was not to be before, and I cannot think of anything new I have done!”

Alecto scowls. Megaera speaks up.

“We’re not here to punish either of you. As you may have heard, Zagreus has decided his new hobby is fucking with the House of Hades’ employment contracts.”

Her voice is calm and even enough that both Theseus and Asterius slowly let go of some of their tension, though they both look at each other in confusion.

Megaera continues. “He overheard a comment Alecto made when she found out about the two of you. She said she wanted to interrogate you about how  _ this _ happened. Zagreus took that seriously. So here we are.”

“...This?” Theseus asks, trying to go for oblivious, and missing the mark. He normally wears the mask of a blowhard and a fool well, but it doesn’t hold up quite so well when it seems the entire underworld is talking about their relationship, and the way Megaera looks between the two of them is painfully obvious.

Megaera snorts, Alecto sneers. (Tisiphone decides she has no interest in the conversation and wanders off to poke carefully at a fig tree.)

“So,” Alecto starts, arms folded and hip cocked in a mock-casual pose that just looks predatory. “Did you have the minotaur freed way back when just because you’re some freak who’s wanted to fuck him all this time?”

“What! No! That—” Theseus looks horrified. “Asterius has always been a brilliant mind and an incredible fighter and I incurred a terrible wrong in slaying him! I only wished to make things right and get to know him better! The feelings I developed along the way have—” His voice falters as he struggles to articulate himself.

In the pause, Alecto grins widely, enjoying the discomfort she’s generated. Megaera looks at her out of the corner of her eye and sighs.

“You always think the worst of people, Alecto.”

Alecto drops her smile to scowl at her sister. “Once upon a time people would’ve said that about you too. You’ve been getting  _ soft _ .”

“We are not going to have this fight here, Alecto. You wished to talk to the champions. Talk, and let us return to our duties.”

Alecto bristles at the order, but nonetheless turns back to Theseus and Asterius. She looks down at Theseus, and the height difference seems to re-inject a certain level of cruel amusement.

Tisiphone takes the opportunity to return from her lap around the chamber. She descends from her low float, and then, still taller than Theseus, bends down so she can look directly into his face. He manages not to flinch at the up-close view of how her dry skin stretches across her skull, while Alecto barks out a laugh.

“Murrderrrrrerrrrrr…” she rasps.

“Well,” Theseus says with a wide, flat smile, “You’re not wrong, Lady Tisiphone!”

Beside him Asterius tenses, fighting back the instinct to defend Theseus with the intense awareness that you  _ do not argue _ with the Furies. Fortunately Megaera settles an arm on Tisiphone’s shoulder. That brings her, too, in close proximity to the champions, which undoes most of the relief caused by Tisiphone looking away.

“Peace, Tisiphone,” she says. “You have enough murderers to punish as is. Arbitrary as the line may be, if we change things to qualify kills in battle as murder, Elysium will be half emptied.”

Tisiphone’s head tilts in thought, tipping back and forth several times as she mulls it over. Her face makes it unclear whether or not she eventually finds Megaera’s statement satisfactory, if she has no interest in pursuing it further, or if she’s just more interested in the blanket of moss and flowers that coats the ground. Either way, she turns away from the conversation and crouches down to stare carefully at the plants.

Alecto makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. Megaera’s face is still impassive.

Theseus looks at the Furies, before settling on Megaera.

“If I may ask, Lady Megaera—” he starts.

“You may ask whatever you like,” she says coolly, “-But know that I make no guarantees I will answer, or that I will not take offense.”

Theseus does an impressive job of not flinching, but one finger does twitch ever so slightly. Megaera clearly notices and looks down at it pointedly, but does not comment. The faint smile that plays at her mouth and the cold, entertained look in her eyes suddenly makes it apparent that she and Alecto are more similar than previously let on.

Nonetheless Theseus soldiers on.

“I can understand that Alecto has a certain limited history with Asterius and I, having been tasked with overseeing our original reunion in Erebus. And your other sister is clearly curious about Elysium, which I assume can only be due to its lack of similarity with your usual station! But you have neither that history, nor do you show particular interest in our surroundings— I must admit my own curiosity to your motivations here!”

Megaera looks over at Tisiphone. There’s something in her expression that neither of the champions can quite read.

“Someone needs to chaperone these two: to ensure Tisiphone doesn’t get overwhelmed by all... this.” Here Megaera waves a hand broadly at Elysium. “And also ensure Alecto doesn’t terrorize any residents of Elysium. Besides you two. It’s been some time since I’ve been to Elysium, but it’s not novel to me as it is to Tisiphone.”

Theseus frowns a little.

“That seems a shame! Elysium is not quite the world above but it is still quite lovely in it’s own wonderful ways, and it seems unfortunate that visits are so limited for the three of you.”

Megaera smiles wryly.

“Incidentally, all the times I’ve been here in recent history have been during Zagreus’s little fights with you. I almost forgot there’s all this outside of the arena.”

Asterius winces at the reminder of how Megaera’s whip bites, and the initial startled shock when Zagreus first hoisted a small plush aloft and a  _ Fury _ manifested in their arena. Theseus is too distracted and his frown deepens.

“And your visit now too,” he says slowly, “Has been bound to us, by whatever intentions that foul demon may possess!”

Megaera actually laughs a little at Theseus’s vitriol when mentioning Zagreus.

“Sometimes I think his head is too empty to have much in the way of ‘intentions’, but yes, for Alecto and Tisiphone, this visit is bound to you quite contractually.”

“Well then!” Theseus beams. Asterius knows him well enough to realize Theseus has had some half-formed ‘revelation’, and is about to say something he has not fully thought out. A creeping anxiety settles in Asterius’s stomach, but before he can stop Theseus, he continues. 

“It is a shame to be limited such, so if it allows you passage here, I am happy to invite you as our guests any time!”

His face immediately blanches as the words fall from his mouth and he realizes what exactly his brain came up with. Everyone stares at him. Even Tisiphone’s skeletal face jerks up towards him, and looks almost surprised.

Then Alecto breaks the silence by bursting into raucous, sharp laughter.

Megaera slowly raises an eyebrow.

“You’re inviting the Furies... as your guests to Elysium... on an open invitation...” Megaera slowly says, as if expecting Theseus to inform her she has heard wrong.

Alecto’s laughter bounces off the walls of the chamber, surrounding them on all sides. “AhahaHA!! I keep thinking you’ll stop being absolutely nuts, King of Athens, and then you continue to pull the most stupid, mind-boggling bullshit! Oh  _ fuck _ that’s funny! In fact, you know what?”

Alecto props one foot up on a crumbling pedestal, so she can lean dramatically over her knee.

“I’m gonna let you take that back! You’re funny enough I’ll let it slide!”

Theseus exchanges a wide-eyed glance with Asterius. The two, in unison, look at Tisiphone. Though she’s staring at them now, she’s still crouched on the ground by the flower, as if it hadn’t even occurred to her to pluck it to view it better. Asterius thinks of the first time he arrived in Elysium. He thinks of the continuous wonders he has seen since. He knows Theseus must be thinking of the same thing, so when Theseus looks at him again, Asterius only offers a half-shrug and a vague grimace.

Theseus winces, but puffs up his chest as he turns back to Megaera and Alecto.

“I am a man of my word! The invitation stands!”

Megaera’s other eyebrow raises to meet the first. Alecto’s smirk drops from her face as her mouth hangs open in silent shock.

Asterius takes over for Theseus, whose power pose is somewhat marred by wide half-panicky eyes; “We must amend that we are not always available to be hosts, if that influences whatever shape your contract holds. But, we are also... happy... to facilitate any visits here you would like, given adequate warning.”

“Well,” Megaera starts, taking over for Alecto, who looks as off-kilter and lost for words as Theseus. “It does not affect me, since I am free to travel, but I think that seems reasonable for my sisters.”

_ “What??” _ Alecto finds her voice.

Megaera ignores her.

“We can send missives via Charon I think. He travels freely and frequently enough, though it may cost a few obol.”

“What the  _ fuck _ Meg??” Alecto shouts.

“If you do not wish to,” Megaera replies, “Then you do not need to come here. But Tisiphone seems to enjoy it. Do not deprive her out of your own spite.”

“She doesn’t  _ need _ to enjoy it here! The redblood is already fucking with her head, I don’t need you encouraging softness in her too!”

Megaera’s voice goes sharp and cold and low as she turns and leans in close to her sister. Her voice is pitched as if to discourage the champions listening in, but she does not move the conversation away, leaving it clearly audible.

“You will fight with me, in front of strangers, on  _ this _ ? Do not  _ test _ me Alecto. I am the one among us allowed in the House of Hades. The conditions of our employment and residence rest upon me, and I am happy to fight you to prove my authority.  _ Watch yourself _ .”

Alecto tries to snarl in Megaera’s face, but there’s a faint fear to the reminder that her sister too, is a Fury, despite her more mild demeanor. Megaera turns back to the champions, smiling drily at the way they are pointedly looking away and pretending they didn’t overhear.

“We have duties we must attend to.” She lets the statement sit for a moment, as if Theseus and Asterius needed a reminder of what the Furies’  _ duties _ usually entail. “But I think I speak for Tisiphone in thanking you two for the offer. If she ever wishes to return to Elysium, we’ll send word to ensure you are free.”

Theseus nods, uncharacteristically quiet. Megaera grins, beckons to her sisters, and the three fly up and over the walls of Elysium.

Theseus and Asterius stand in silence for several minutes before Theseus buries his head in his hands.

“Asterius I am a  _ fool! _ Why would I invite the  _ Furies _ to visit us whenever they like?!”

Asterius gently pats his shoulder.

“You have a good heart, my king.”

“I have a  _ stupid _ heart,” Theseus replies, petulantly, turning to look up at Asterius.

“And I love you for it, Theseus. Come, let us find some drinks and put it out of mind.”

Theseus nods morosely and follows Asterius out, but doesn’t try hard to hide the way he perked up at Asterius’s words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore the Furies, and since Alecto and Tisiphone aren’t allowed in the House of Hades I can only assume they’re barred from Elysium as well. So I used that as an excuse to sow the seeds of a potential Tisiphone and Asterius friendship, and yet another aggressively antagonistic ‘friendship’(?) for Theseus via Alecto. Also I love the weird antagonistic sibling relationship between Meg and Alecto that we don’t get to see enough of, where they pretend they’re less similar than they are. I had a very short bonus Charon at the end of this, that I’m breaking into its own chapter (even though I love the way the original chapter title “Furies and the Boatman” sounds like a very sick band name).
> 
> Also, for people who keep up with the larger series, sorry I didn’t manage an update on Monday! I have tons of stuff written out, but I’m losing some momentum in editing them and filling holes, so I might be shifting from MWF three-a-week updates to once or twice a week. Let me know if you have preferred day(s) of the week, and as always, any other thoughts. I always love hearing from you!


	5. Charon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mini follow-up to the previous chapter.

A few days later, Theseus and Asterius walk out their front door to find Elysium has opened up to a shop on the banks of the Lethe as it feeds the Styx. Before them are several platforms stacked with luxury odds and ends, a boat bobs at a dock, and the boatman stands near their door.

“Hhhraaarh hrrghrrmm...” Charon rasps, pulling a folded scrap parchment from within his cloak.

Asterius delicately takes it and opens it.

“Ah... Lady Megaera writes that Tisiphone seems interested in visiting Elysium again sometime soon, and that while Alecto has said she has no desire to spend time in our company again, Lady Megaera believes she is likely to come as well.”

Theseu grimaces a little. “Well, we shall prepare and find ourselves a way to be gracious hosts, and—“

He cuts off when he notices Charon holding out his open palm expectantly.

“I am sorry my good boatman, as shades in Elysium I am afraid we have little Obol to spare, as we have little need for it in our daily lives!”

Charon withdraws his hand but theres a faint hissing noise as smoke emanates between his teeth.

“That is not to say we have nothing we can give!” Theseus quickly backtracks. “I am just uncertain of what would be an appropriate trade! I am certain even you must enjoy Ambrosia but that seems... ah...” Theseus wilts a little as he looks at Charon, but he continues on, “disproportionately high in value for a message...?”

Fortunately Charon seems unbothered, tilting his head in thought, and then nodding firmly.

“Oh! I see! Of course an adept salesman as yourself understands the importance of balanced and appropriate trade!”

Charon taps a skeletal finger against his lip in thought, and then performs a series of gestures, first pointing at Theseus, cupping his hand as if receiving something, and then pointing back to his stack of wares.

Theseus furrows his brow, uncomprehending. Charon repeats the gesture.

“Ah, my king,” Asterius says, “I believe he is saying he will select goods to trade us for the ambrosia to account for the deficit in value.”

“Oh!” Theseus exclaims. “We have little need for anything, but I am happy to simply engage in a fair barter for some of our spare ambrosia, for the sake of it!”

“Hhhrrashhh!”

Charon’s quiet noise is accompanied by a nod and a smaller puffier cloud of smoke compared to its prior dense smog.

“Give me just a moment! I will retrieve a bottle posthaste!” Theseus turns to their door, and then back to Asterius. “Will you wait here, my love, and keep the boatman company?”

“Of course.”

The doorway slides open and Theseus disappears through it, leaving Asterius to watch as Charon picks up a small crate and begins rummaging through his wares for items to put in it.

Theseus emerges, a bottle of ambrosia held proudly aloft.

“Here you are!”

Charon hands off the crate to Asterius, freeing his own hands to receive the ambrosia with a pleased nod.

Theseus and Asterius look down into the crate. At the very top is a large, elegant glass flask filled with a clear glossy liquid, a coil of a silky golden rope, and a wide strip of dark cloth folded over on itself. Beneath those items lies a truly staggering volume of sex toys.

Asterius freezes, which is probably for the best because it’s the only thing keeping him from dropping the crate entirely.

Theseus voice goes just a little squeaky as he chokes on air.

“I—pardon??”

Charon rumbles and waves an amicable hand between Theseus and Asterius. The glittering fog that emanates from between his teeth forms into a cloud that looks concerningly like a heart before it dissipates.

“No I— We quite understood the intention!”

Charon’s head tips, his body shifts beneath his cloak, and the growly noise he makes are shockingly clear in conveying ‘Then I fail to see the problem.’

Theseus’s mouth flaps. Asterius continues to stare blankly at the boatman. (He is the closest anyone has ever been to his height, and the sensation of looking someone in the eye without bending his neck only knocks Asterius further off his feet.)

“Well— alright?” Theseus finally wheezes.

Charon nods one final time, then drifts back to stand beside his wares as a door on the other side of the chamber slides open to reveal a gaggle of shades. Theseus and Asterius nearly trip over themselves going back through the door behind them before any of the approaching shades can chance a look at the crate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m debating adding a Hypnos chapter before the final talk with some Big Gods, but I don’t have anything roughed out or written (for once). Also this is a Sunday update bc hell if I know what my update schedule is anymore beyond at least once a week and this one is too short to qualify. Another porn oneshot is upcoming in the next few days.


	6. Hermes

It’s still a bit embarrassing to encounter Charon after their previous interaction, but Theseus and Asterius have since gotten used to it. It helps that Charon is not chatty, and they’ve since worked out a system where a single bottle of ambrosia or nectar equals the delivery of multiple messages, instead of resolving the discrepancy with whatever dubious wares Charon seems convinced their love life may need.

(Somehow, upon Alecto and Tisiphone’s following visit, Alecto had coerced Theseus into telling her about Charon’s ‘gifts’. She’d doubled over in screeching laughter that had startled a cluster of butterflies into flying out of the room in a cloud. A small handful of shades who had been gathered in the chamber, seemingly curious enough that Elysium hadn’t ensured they were kept out, had visibly flinched. A few had even tried to discreetly leave, but Alecto had heard the gate beginning to slide open, and bared her teeth in a wide grin, sending them scurrying back into a corner of the room where they could peer out from behind a statue. Theseus had, not for the first time, deeply regretted his invite. He also felt deeply jealous of Asterius, who had introduced Tisiphone to Andromeda and several of the kinder shades they know, and the group had sat in the meadow at the center of the room, carefully displaying and explaining all manner of fruit and flowers to a curious Tisiphone.)

After a number of such deliveries from Charon heralding visits from the Furies, he and the champions had worked out a system. The powers that fuel Elysium, the Underworld at large, and Charon himself can ensure that he finds the champions whenever there is a message to be delivered. Or that they conveniently find him. If they stumble into a chamber he occupies, he’ll wave them over if he has a delivery, or simply nod if he does not. Occasionally Theseus will peruse the tamer wares Charon has in stock, though once Charon does wheeze out another glittering heart with a curious head tilt and a wave at the sacks and crates tucked out of sight behind him. Theseus had vigorously declined, and Charon had shrugged and let it be. (“Perhaps he thinks his first set was adequate for us,” Asterius had joked later, and then promptly grimaced and insisted they both forget he said that.)

As they grow increasingly used to Charon, they seem to encounter him more often, and sometimes on their own. If Theseus has nowhere else to be, he sometimes chats with (at) Charon for a few moments while he browses his stock, inquiring as to what’s popular among the shades and answered with groans and hand gestures. And Asterius sometimes takes the opportunity to sit quietly with Charon and people-watch the passing shades.

It’s odd, to be sure, but Elysium is an odd place, and Theseus is beginning to suspect that he and Asterius have somehow become magnets to the _particularly_ odd. Or maybe that’s par for the course for the more famous residents of Elysium. A dinner with Andromeda and Perseus once had revealed that the two had been on a walk, and Elysium had led them into one of the rare chambers that serve as temples to the Olympians. Apparently the center of the room had held a pond shrouded in a thick cloud that then morphed into a giant shape of Zeus’s head and tried to hold a conversation with them. Perseus refuses to talk about it, and Andromeda admits to having a very awkward talk with her overly friendly father-in-law, sustained mostly by conversation about how his grandchildren and great-grandchildren in Elysium were doing. Doting grandfather Zeus using the complicated rules regarding Olympians still worshipped by the dead to corner his son and daughter in law is _at least_ as odd as Theseus and Asterius sometimes finding themselves in the boatman’s company. He’s a good listener, and generally unobtrusive despite being 9 feet tall and billowing glittering cosmic smoke.

The problem ends up being that quiet, unobtrusive Charon apparently keeps company with the one Olympian god who is allowed in the underworld, and who is very much not quiet and unobtrusive.

The champions technically knew that Hermes and Charon had some sort of working relationship, but that doesn’t make it any less of a shock to enter a chamber in Elysium, and find the messenger god perched upon a pedestal. His presence is so powerful and divine, emanating in waves that make it hard not to turn tail and flee, that it’d be impossible not to recognize him, even if the satchel at his side and the wings that beat aggressively at his temples and ankles weren’t enough of a giveaway.

He turns to them at the sound of the door opening, seemingly locked in conversation with Charon, spinning in mid-air. He crosses his legs, somehow still hovering, and grins as he tucks his chin into his hand.

“Well well well! Would you look at that! It’s the champions of Elysium, what do you know. I’ve heard all sorts of interesting stories about you. We’ve never really had occasion to meet before, though I know all sorts of my kin like helping you out, and did a whole lot of meddling while you were alive. But honestly I think you’re more a topic of conversation up there now than you’ve ever been!”

It’s a good thing the god doesn’t seem to have any qualms about running his mouth uninterrupted, because Theseus isn’t sure what he could even say. A glance exchanged with Asterius reveals a similar panic on his face, and the boatman is leaning back, arms folded, clearly amused and entirely unlikely to interfere on their behalf.

“Aphrodite used to chat about how dumb you two were being to anyone who would listen! Which admittedly, wasn’t all that many at first. There’s all sorts of gossip the gods can indulge in, and most of my family has an unfortunate failing of character where they ignore anyone down here whenever possible. There’s a few exceptions of course, and recent days have complicated that quite a bit, but point is that most of the gods weren’t too excited to hear Aphrodite be self-satisfied about two of the dead. But then you two actually got your shit together, and the big gods up there have had to start paying attention to this place for, you know, other reasons, and it’s all sort of coalesced into a big old tangle of ‘everyone now knows you’re fucking’! How’s that feel?”

“Uh…” Asterius manages.

Hermes flaps his hand dismissively and starts talking again.

“No mind, no matter, I’ll get the gossip later from dear old Charon here. It’s good to hear you’re getting along with him, and my cousin is quite fond of you, Asterius, if not you Theseus, so you two can’t be too bad. Even if Perseus apparently has a lot of complaints, and it’s probably bad form for me to be fraternizing when you’ve bested him in battle while he carried my blessing. And Charon made mention of some absolutely wild moves you made regarding the Furies? You two are really something, we’ll have to get to know each other sometime. But not now, ‘cause I have business to do and I can’t be sitting around gossiping!”

He waves to Charon, “I’ll see you later tonight with the usual shipment of lost souls and whatnot! Great chatting!” and then he rushes off in a whirlwind that leaves Theseus and Asterius frazzled.

They stare at each other, and then Charon as an odd, rasping, repetitive croak emerges from him. It’s laughter apparently, which is something entirely new. He makes some sort of gesture and a groan, and Asterius has grown far better at interpreting them than Theseus, because he frowns thoughtfully.

“Was he not just sitting around gossiping with _you_?” Asterius asks Charon.

Charon hefts his oar with a shrug, and an amused huff that even Theseus can tell is something like _Olympians. What can you do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just on a little bit of a Hermes streak. I know I was planning on a Hypnos chapter, but I’m reluctant to write it until I get him Asterius’ autograph & I have more material to work with. (I know I could just look it up but I don’t want to.) I also like how the end of this chapter segways into the 'final' chapter, so if I do post a Hypnos one, I might post it as an earlier chapter (I think notifications should still work fine). The curse of writing as inspiration hits and then trying to make it coherent and cohesive.
> 
> Also, had to include a tiny flashback to hanging out with Alecto and Tisiphone, because I’m too amused by the mental image of Asterius and Tisiphone having a peaceful time while Theseus gets bullied by Alecto. (Enough so that I actually smashed together a sloppy little comic about it, and I'm debating where to post it. People I know follow me on tumblr but reviving my twitter just for fanfic related purposes seems excessive? If enough people seem interested I might, but otherwise if you wanna chat message me on tumblr @help-me-nah)


	7. Two Major Gods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets heavy before it gets light. 
> 
> Warning for vague implications/references of classical myth sexual assault, mind-control, bestiality, etc. and the affiliated ‘the gods are terrifying and Poseidon is not really just the cool chill dude the game frames him as.’

The hellspawn slays them again, and there’s actually very little of note to their pre-battle conversation this time. However, after Asterius had fallen and Theseus was injured enough that the gods would heed his call, he’d reached out, and Poseidon had reached back. Which is, in itself, unremarkable.

But Theseus revives in the pool of the Styx more quickly than usual, and realizes his fingers still roar with power, his skin still prickles with the salt-spray rush of crashing surf, his chest still churns like rip-currents in a raging sea. And Poseidon speaks.

“So, I have heard about you and the minotaur, eh? I know I have a rather complex and rocky history with you both but—“

Theseus lurches upright.

“Do not.” He says abruptly, cutting the sea god off. He knows that’s bad practice but this? This conversation cannot happen. He has no idea where it will go but he is certain if he allows it he will say or do far worse things than simply cutting Poseidon off.

There’s a moment of silence, his ears not so much ringing as they are rushing like the sounds of crashing waves.

He and Asterius have accepted that, with the gods, some things must be let go. The gods’ wills and whims are too capricious and too violent, and so moving on sometimes necessitates willfully ignoring things they have done in the past. 

Theseus shuts off the part of his brain that remembers everything the gods have done, and when he calls on the Olympians he does so indiscriminately, because spurning a single god could be disastrous. He will open himself to Poseidon’s powers in the arena, and he will not let himself think on it, because that is what must be done with the gods.

It usually works, but this is not the neutral territory of the arena, serving as blank slate, devoid of history. This is his and Asterius’s personal life, and he is not capable of dissociating the version of Poseidon who caused so much violence and hurt. Not so much for himself, but for Asterius. (Though sometimes he thinks of killing his own son with Poseidon’s aid, how Poseidon must have known the truth, and yet leant his powers under those pretenses, and Theseus’s chest burns.)

Sometimes Asterius wakes from dreams of his mother and speaks in choked whispers of Poseidon’s curse, and an immense guilt that he was born from such cruelty to his mother. Theseus has never had any answer, any reassurance for that. The best he can give is that they know Pasiphae loved Asterius, despite all that begot him. Perhaps reuniting with her would help, but Asterius is not ready for that.

So this, now, Poseidon pushing into their personal life, it is too much. He and Asterius will block it all out in the arena but Theseus can’t bring himself to do that here. And he knows if he lets this conversation continue, he will not be able to do it anymore there. Cutting this off now will be a lesser offense than spurning Poseidon entirely, and Theseus does not know how much the underworld could truly protect him from an Olympian’s wrath.

“Well.” There’s another long pause from the sea god. “I suppose that is fair. Rather rude, but such allowances sometimes need to be made with you mortals! Very well, I shall simply offer my congratulations and go!”

The sensation of Poseidon’s blessing dissipates to a booming laugh, and Theseus feels unspeakably exhausted, like swimming hours in the sea and only realizing the toll upon stumbling back onto the shore. Asterius still lays on the bank of the pool, unconscious. He almost always revives and then wakes long before Theseus, as he is almost always slain first. Asterius usually sits on the banks and waits for Theseus to either follow him in (second) death, or traverse Elysium to his side after a victory. That Asterius is still unconscious means Poseidon must’ve revived and woken Theseus almost instantly.

Theseus could perhaps drag Asterius into the softer moss. Asterius is indeed heavy, but Theseus is still strong. However, Theseus is not quite so strong as to fully lift and carry Asterius the way Asterius carries him, and he does not wish to drag any of Asterius’s limp body across the ground. And, if he is honest, his legs are still shaking and his arms still feel weak, so he carefully lowers himself to sit by Asterius, and gently runs his fingers through Asterius’s mane until he wakes.

Asterius finally stirs, and his brow furrows when he processes Theseus by his side.

“What is— is everything alright?”

“Yes? I think.” Theseus purses his lips. He doesn’t wish to bother Asterius with this, but he also refuses to hide it. He sighs, ignoring the shaky hitch in the middle.

“Poseidon decided he wished to speak with me.”

Asterius lurches upright in alarm, and Theseus quickly presses a hand to his chest to soothe him.

“He is gone now. I... told him I did not wish to speak with him.”

This only seems to alarm Asterius more.

“My king, was that wise? Offending the gods is dangerous, even for those who don’t call upon them for aid.”

“I think it was alright. He seemed... put off but not upset. And I... I would brave his anger, for you. I do not think he is someone either of us want meddling in our lives now, so—“

Theseus is cut off by Asterius’s arms wrapping around him, gently cradling Theseus in an embrace.

“I would never ask that of you, my king, but I appreciate it.”

Theseus didn’t realize how much his heart was racing, how the hairs on his arm were standing at attention, how much he is drenched in a cold sweat, until the comfort of Asterius’s warmth begins to dispel the panic. He meant it when he said he’d face Poseidon’s anger to keep Asterius happy and well, but he can’t pretend the idea doesn’t frighten him.

Asterius gently runs his hands down Theseus’s back. Theseus buries his face in Asterius’s chest and tells himself it feels wet because of the Styx, because of his sweat, and that the prickling in his eyes doesn’t mean anything.

The flow of time in Elysium makes it hard to tell how long they sit there. Eventually Theseus calms enough, shifting in Asterius’s lap, and they both quietly sit, watching the flutter of the butterflies, and the rush of the Lethe, listening to the burbling of the Styx behind them as it emerges from underground into its uncharacteristically clear pool.

“Do you think we need worry about the other gods?” Asterius asks, finally.

Theseus thinks. “I... do not think so? Aphrodite is invested but that is to be expected, and Poseidon shares history with us both, but I do not think many others will care much.” He winces. “Except perhaps Lord Hades and Lady Nyx. We are—ah... in their employ, after all.”

Asterius visibly winces as well.

The two sit there in vaguely stressed silence for a moment.

“Do we... tell him, do you think?” Theseus asks.

Asterius huffs. “I do not think he’d like us wasting his time with that message, but I also do not think he’d like to find out some other way, if he has not already.”

“...Lady Nyx then?”

A long pause as they grimace. It’s not an appealing idea, but probably a safer one than Hades.

Apparently Elysium or the larger realm of the underworld or the Fates or whatever other forces are at work seem to take their reluctant acceptance as a decision, and doesn’t much care for how wrung out Theseus is after the encounter with Poseidon. The champions make their way back to their living chamber and there, sitting at their table, poised and elegant, sipping from a goblet, is Nyx herself.

Theseus is absently jealous of Asterius and his pelt, because he knows his own face blanches very obviously at the sight of the goddess. And while he can read a similar panic in Asterius’s face and body language, he knows it’s not so obvious to anyone else. Such as Nyx. In her eyes Asterius must seem as composed as she is herself, while Theseus looks like he has walked face-first into a column.

She does not comment, but she turns, and runs a deliberate appraising gaze over them both, and Theseus almost feels like that’s worse.

“The powers that are intertwined with both this realm and myself inform me that you two wish to speak with me.”

It’s not a question and it’s not a statement and she does not continue, but Theseus suspects if he answers he’ll open his mouth right as she does.

Finally Asterius plants a hand on Theseus’s back, and guides them both to sit at the table across from Nyx.

“We... admittedly were not prepared to speak to you so soon, but yes, my lady.”

The silence stretches. Theseus can’t tell if she’s waiting for Asterius to continue, or if this is just the pace of conversation for her, if she is so ancient and beyond mortal comprehension that these pauses mean nothing. He feels Asterius’s leg shift nervously under the table as well.

“And what is the nature of that which you’d like to discuss?” Nyx eventually asks.

Theseus and Asterius exchange a look. Asterius looks vaguely queasy, but he gently lays a hand on Theseus’s knee, and Theseus feels guilty about it, but he is more than happy to let Asterius bear the brunt of this conversation. Theseus picks up another goblet resting on the table and sips slowly from it for an excuse to remain silent. (Nyx’s goblet is clearly wine but Elysium has provided Theseus and Asterius with plain water. Theseus half wishes it was from the Lethe so he could black out this conversation.)

“It is... of an... intimate nature,” Asterius says.

Nyx tilts her head as she looks at Asterius, and he ducks his own head to avoid her gaze. She then moves to appraise Theseus, and then back to Asterius, and slowly her perfectly sculpted eyebrows arch in what would be surprise on anyone else’s face.

“I admit...” she says slowly, “I did not expect that anyone, let alone the two of you, would come to me for advice on such things.”

Theseus chokes on his water, and Asterius chokes on air.

“That’s not—“ Theseus finally speaks up when he has recovered, though his voice is hoarse. “We are... fine in that regard, Lady Nyx! Truly! We simply—“

“We felt it necessary to... inform you, as a professional courtesy,” Asterius finishes.

“Ah,” Nyx says. “I see. My child, Zagreus, had mentioned it in passing, but I appreciate the courtesy that you two would inform me yourselves.”

She stares at the two of them, and then smiles gently. It’s almost reassuring.

“I suspect you came to me, despite Hades being more involved in your work, because you would like me to mention it to him on your behalf?”

“If that is no trouble, Lady Nyx, we would much appreciate it,” Asterius answers.

She nods. “Of course. I am happy to make your lives easier when it is no great cost to me.”

Gratitude washes through Theseus, and he can see Asterius’s shoulders loosen as well.

“Thank you, Lady Nyx.”

She reaches out a cold, gentle hand and cups Theseus’s cheek.

“You have a reputation, King of Athens. I am pleased to see the lack of ego you display in trusting yourself with the minotaur, and in trusting him to speak on your behalf.”

She pats his cheek, and then moves to do the same to Asterius.

“And I am glad King Theseus insisted you be raised from Erebus. It is good to see you here, Asterius, minotaur of Crete. Zagreus treasures the friendship you share, and so I must thank you.”

There’s something motherly in her gestures and the look on her face, but it disappears quick enough that Theseus wonders if it was an illusion. She sets down her goblet, elegantly smooths her skirts, and rises from her seat.

“Well then, I shall take my leave.”

Nyx glides to her feet and floats to the door. She turns back to the two of them, still huddled together at the table.

“I trust Elysium is providing you two with all you need?” she asks.

As if in response, a closed tin of a greasy salve topples off a shelf and to the floor. The tin itself is discrete, but judging by the her pointed look at it, she knows what Elysium usually provides it for.

“Good,” she says, before Theseus can force himself to squeak out a response, and she leaves.

The two continue to sit there at the table for a long time. There’s a faint shimmering noise, and Theseus looks down to see the goblets are now generously filled with wine. He eagerly gulps his down, as Asterius picks up his larger goblet to do the same.

“Hopefully,” Asterius rumbles, “that is the last god or hero we will have to discuss our love life with.”

Theseus laughs, a little hysterically, and drops his goblet to the floor so he can climb into Asterius’s lap.

“Let’s not think about it anymore, my love.”

“Alright,” Asterius concedes, but he hesitates before leaning in for a kiss.

“Was it worth it though, my king?” And the question beneath it, that Theseus knows Asterius will never ask aloud: _Am I worth it?_

Theseus rubs his thumbs along Asterius’s jaw, kisses him deeply, and then leans back to beam.

“Absolutely worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m calling this fic complete even though I’ll probably continue adding (as with this series at large) bc this is the end of my initial planned narrative arc. Thanks y’all for sticking with me and for all the lovely feedback!
> 
> The beginning Poseidon part was actually was less intense on my first round but I’ve been spending too much time thinking on how I’m interpreting the original myths in these series, and it didn’t really feel right. The game’s limited frame (and playing as a god) is super fun and lightens things in a necessary way to make it enjoyable, but in re-integrating the classical myths there was no honest way for me to avoid ‘the Olympian gods would be living nightmares for any of the mortal cast and for the shades to continue as they do in the game would require some intense (and not super healthy) compartmentalization and dissociation.’
> 
> Sorry for ending so heavy, I hope it was offset somewhat by Nyx fully ready to have a sex ed talk with the boys (without being intense emotional whiplash?), and how much they’re in love!


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